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Monday Musings – Circumstances Shape Me

14 March 2011

I love watching Nate Berkus.  Interior design and decorating have always been an interest of mine and his show always has great tips and ideas; so, I DVR his show everyday.  Having an almost 4 year old makes it almost impossible for me to actually watch the show, which means that last week I finally got to watch the March 1st episode and boy oh boy did it speak to my heart.  This particular episode had a segment with Cheryl Burke of “Dancing with the Stars”.  She spoke about her new book, “Dancing Lessons” and I can really relate to her story.
My story is something I share openly with people, but it’s scary to write about it here.  Here, the world can see it.  Here, my family can see it, my friends can see it, people I’ve known my entire life that may not know the full story can see it.  It’s one thing to talk to a group of people about my story, but it’s completely different to pour my heart out here. 
Cheryl spoke about her childhood; that she was molested by a family friend and had to testify against him at the age of 6.  I relate to her story because I was molested by a family member for years.  I wish I could even begin to explain the emotional rollercoaster my childhood was, but I can’t.  There are no words.  I’ve talked on here about how awkward I am when meeting people.  I’ve talked about how I don’t do surface level well.  My childhood is the reason for that.  I internalized everything and became such an introvert. 
I consider myself very lucky though.  I have unbelievably supportive parents.  My mom has always been my best friend and I know I can share anything with her.  I found God in my sorrow and He gave me peace in my heart.  Had I not found God, I would not have found my husband.  That’s another story though ;)  My past shapes me as a person and makes me who I am and even though I can still struggle with confidence sometimes, I have hope.  I’ve said I’m resilient, and I mean that wholeheartedly.  I am resilient because if I can get through such trauma as a child, I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.  Everybody can achieve their dreams, with or without trauma in their life.  That’s the message Cheryl was trying to convey, and I am in total agreement with her.  My dear friend Chrissy (probably the only person reading this blog) shared a quote with me that I think is very appropriate.
“I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.” – Maya Angelou

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