Change is Good

Today is my first day as a stay at home mom.  It feels a little weird, but also a huge blessing.  A few weeks after coming home from our honeymoon, Scott and I found out we were expecting a little bundle of joy.  Once he came into the world, I knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom.  Everything about  him fascinated me.  His little fingers and toes.  Watching him sleep.  Watching him grow.  He's what lit this fire in me for photography.  It devastated me to have to go back to work and for the past 5 years it's been a dream of mine to stay home with him.  He turns 5 tomorrow and I feel so blessed to have this time with him before he starts kindergarten. 

It's these moments that I will now get to witness.  The little moments of him building amazing things out of Lego's using his imagination.  That little mischievous smile when he knows I'm watching him.  His little look of concentration and the look of joy on his face when he's proud of something he's done. 

Here's to new beginnings and enjoying life's little moments.

Letter to a Photographer

Some of you may have already seen this.  It's been going around the photography community lately, ad I in my eyes does a perfect job of explaining why we photographers do what we do. 
Recently, a photographer named Jeanine Thurston received the below letter on her door step.

Jeanine -

Today I am writing for a couple of reasons. I have some quiet time at the moment and need to get a couple of things off my mind. I will leave this for my husband to deliver to you when he is ready.
You photographed my wedding, you photographed my first pregnancy and my first baby. I contacted you awhile back to photograph my 2nd child and family. After getting prices and realizing I would want all of the pictures as we love your work – I decided against spending $500+ – which is what I normally spend for portraits and prints with you.. Please know it is not because I don’t value your amazing eye, or how much we love the experience.

That week that I decided to NOT do a session with you, this is how I spent some money.

On Sunday I called and cancelled our session. Monday I went out and got my hair cut ($39+tip), and colored ($65), Thursday I had my nails done ($24), my family went out to dinner at a somewhat expensive restaurant for no particular reason costing us $79 + tip. This was just 4 days since canceling our session, already totaling over $200 for un necessary things. My nails only lasted about 2 weeks, my hair is gone, and seven weeks passed when I got the phone call from our doctor. It was not something I expected and the cancer has spread very quickly. I will be leaving my husband, my 6 year old girl and my now 2 year old – not by choice. It is very hard for me to talk about it which is why I need to write you.

I watch your Facebook page and your posts about the value of a photo and if I could give back all of those things that I purchased this few weeks after I cancelled my session with you, knowing what I know now, and have that session, well… I would do it in a heartbeat.

Now my time is done and there are no more chances for me. The next time someone cancels a session – my wish is that you forward this letter to them. Time is fragile, it is gone before you know you had it. If you charged $200 for one print it wouldn’t be enough for what it is actually worth. I cringe to think that my priorities were a manicure over a memory to pass onto my babies and husband.

My love and thanks for what you have given us from past photos. I am so sorry that I did not see it as more than paper until now.

Karen L. 

This letter breaks my heart.  The thought of something happening to me is what drove my passion for photography to begin with.  What if something happened to me, or Scott, or heaven forbid, Alexander?  Photos and memories are all we have left. 

I think this letter says it all for me.  Savor every moment.  Get in there and capture it as well.  Be sure you're in some of those pictures and not only taking them.  Find a photographer that you love and that will capture who your family is.  What are you going to remember more?  Some shopping purchases, or the photos hanging on the walls in your home?

Hey There, It’s Been Awhile

So, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas have all come and gone with very little on this blog.  It’s a New Year already.  How is that possible?  Since it’s a new year with new beginnings, I’m going to begin again on this blog.

It actually felt really nice to take a break for a couple of months.  Life just goes by too quickly and being able to focus solely on my family was exactly what I needed. 

Over the Christmas season, we were able to spend a couple weeks with my family in Olympia, WA.  We baked cookies and had a whole Clark Griswald family Christmas experience, cut down our tree – “lil sap here” – and decorated, took lots of pictures of all the families over Christmas, Alexander had a sleepover with his cousins, we had lovely dinners with my dad and step-mom, grandparents, my mom and step-dad, and I spent lots of time relaxing.  Get ready for lots of pictures :)

So yes, I’m trying to build a business and taking a break may not be the wisest business decision, but do I regret being silent for a couple of months?  No.  Being able to be there for all of Alexander’s needs has been great and making a surprise visit to Scott at his new job doesn’t make me money, but it builds my marriage.  I know that break was the right thing to do.  I am very excited to get back on the horse though.

The Holidays are Fast Approaching

The holidays are right around the corner and I can’t wait.  I love Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We host Thanksgiving at our house, and while it can be stressful to get everything ready, it’s also beautiful to have everybody together giving thanks for all that we have.  I know I know…some people have mixed feelings about Thanksgiving.  What I love about Thanksgiving is the coziness of it all; being with family, enjoying a meal together, giving thanks to God for all our many blessings, laughter and the annual watching of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. 

Thanksgiving is only 5 weeks away and then the Christmas craziness begins.  I just know Christmas is going to be here before I know it, and we are blessed enough to be able to spend Christmas with my family this year.  That means I have lots to do like all of you before Christmas gets here; cards to send out, presents to make and buy, decorating to do, and teaching Christ’s love to my child. 

The holidays will be over before we know it and I hope to enjoy every moment this year.  My goal is for our family to focus on God and all the many blessings He has given us and I can’t wait for some quality family time.

Monday Musings - Fall is Upon Us

How is it that fall begins on Friday?  It feels like summer just began.  I love fall.  I love the colors, the crisp air, pumpkin patches, corn mazes, decorating my home, football parties, and all the coziness that fall is.  It's a time that tells me the holidays and lots of family time is coming up. 
Fall in Ohio is my favorite season. Growing up in the gorgeous green state of Washington, the fall season looked very different.  Not to mention, Ohio is buckeye country and I have never been around such fun football fans.  Sure, I've been to other football parties, but in Ohio, football games in general are celebrated like the Superbowl all the time.  Too much fun.  Who doesn't like getting together, eating yummy food and sitting close to each other to watch the game together?

Now that the bub is in school, fall is feeling a little different this season with all the activities that the school puts on.  I'm excited to capture it all.  I'm excited to get some good quality family time in.  I hope everybody can capture all the fun fall activities that they do.  Get out your long sleeved shirts, go out and have some family fun.  Oh, and get lots of pictures while you're at it!

On September 11 a Nation Became a Neighborhood

Where were you on September 11, 2001?  It's something our generation will never forget.  We'll never forget how we felt, where we were, what we saw (whether on TV or in person) or what we heard. 

I had been camping with friends.  It was a great weekend of fun and relaxation.  We were scheduled to leave on that Tuesday, so we tore down camp, loaded everything into the car and happily got into the car thinking of all the great moments we had that weekend.  Then, we turned on the radio and chaos ensued.  We literally had no idea what was going on.  I remember us thinking maybe the president was dead.  I remember being glued to listening to the radio because we had no other means of knowing anything.  Once we got out of the woods, we found the closest gas station we could so that we could figure out what had happened.  We still had not seen anything on the news.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw on television once I got home.  At that point I had known what had happened through the radio, but actually seeing it was indescribable.  It wasn't only seeing the buildings, it was seeing how scared the American people were, seeing how our nation came together to mourn, seeing the bravery of our people, that to this day gives me chills.  I come from a family of US Marines and patriotism is in my blood. 

When I was on my whirlwind New York trip in April, I was able to see Ground Zero.  Being there, seeing that history, is a powerful experience.  One I think every American should see.  Not just as a tourist stop, but as a patriot to pay respect to all those that lost their lives that day.

"On that terrible day, a nation became a neighborhood, all Americans became New Yorkers." - Governor George Pataki

Monday Musings - The business of business

I must admit, I haven't been doing much shooting lately.  I've been focusing on the business side of things.  Writing a business plan, putting together marketing brochures...that kind of stuff.  I'm beginning to miss my camera, but know that in the long run I will thank myself. 
Business is more Scott's cup of tea.  He went to school for business management and is in human resources management.  This has been good for me though because I'm taking ownership of something really important to me.  People might think that being a photographer is a dream job with tons of perks, but the reality is that it's just like any other business and takes work. 

So, I've been neglecting this little blog.  I guess I feel that since I don't have much in the way of actual photographers to share right now, that I really have nothing to blog about.  I promise I'll be better and post more regularly from now on :) 

I am not a Heinous Person

Can I just say that I had a really cool maiden name.  When Scott and I got engaged, his uncle used to joke that Scott should take my name and be Scott Fox.  It has a certain ring to it.  I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my business name.  When I decided to start this little blog, I stuck with Laura Hanis Photography because I knew I wanted my business name to be MY name.  Here's the thing about that decision, my last name is always pronounced incorrectly.  When people meet me, they almost always pronounce my last name as Heinous instead of Hanis (think of the a as apple).  Every time I hear the word heinous, I think of Law & Order.  You know the opening song and the whole "heinous crime" thing.  So, I usually end up jokingly saying to people that pronounce my name wrong that I am not a heinous person and I did not commit a heinous crime.  It gets a good laugh. 

Having my last name pronounced wrong took some getting used to when I got married.  Even I pronounced it wrong when I met Scott.  Fox is pretty hard to pronounce incorrectly.  How else would somebody say it?  Don't get me wrong.  Our little town where we live is great.  I married into a wonderful family and I literally run into somebody that knows somebody in my family EVERYWHERE I go.  It's like a Cheers episode where everybody knows your name. 

Any who, the fact that my last name is associated with heinous crimes and monstrous people made me realize that I am so not trying to promote that image in a potential client's mind.  I still wanted my business to be my name though, darn it.  My new business name (when I actually register it and am officially in business) will be Laura Mae Photography.  Mae is my middle name and I am very proud of my middle name.  It has been passed down for 6 generations to the first born girl on my mother's side.  How cool is that?  If God blesses me with another baby and I happen to have a girl, her middle name will be Mae.  Scott gets no vote in this decision, which he already knows :) 

It feels like a momentous occasion to me that this decision has been made.  Now I just have finish designing my logo...

Easter Reflections

Easter is a very special holiday to me.  10 years ago I chose Christ and was baptized and confirmed as a Roman Catholic.  The Catholic faith welcomes believers on the eve of Easter at the Easter Vigil.  This service is beautiful and goes from darkness into light.  I mean that in a literal sense.  The service itself starts in darkness and the light of faith (candlelight) is passed to each member in the church until the entire church is illuminated by light.  The beauty of it astounds me and always reminds me of my baptism. 

Faith has not always been in my life.  I did not grow up going to church.  I don’t think I ever really grasped what we were celebrating on Easter.  Christ is risen…that was not something I understood.  Well, will I ever truly comprehend that one?  We always did an egg hunt and spent the day with family.  My parents always gave us an Easter basket.  I love that my parents did those things and those are very happy memories of my childhood. 

I know that discussing faith is taboo in our world today.  Like I said, I was not always a Christian and when people would discuss their Christian faith with me, it made me uncomfortable.  So if anybody is reading this, they may feel like I’m rubbing them the wrong way.  I guess I would just say that that’s okay with me. 

Raising Alexander to understand the meaning of Easter is so very important to me.  I want him love God and understand God’s love for him.  I can’t tell you how many times I question God and his love for me, but am humbly reminded that Jesus died on a cross because of God’s love for His creation.  God handed his Son over to a broken humanity knowing that he would die.  God didn’t have to do this.  He could have wiped us out for all of our sin.  Instead, he chose to let his son pay the debt of our sin.  I never understood how a man that died 2000 years could be literally dying for MY sins.  If he died 2000 years ago, wasn’t he paying for the sins of people during his time?  Nope.  That’s the beauty of God and the cross.  That’s a sacrifice I never want to take for granted or forget. 

The Stress of Planning a Wedding

Marriage in general has been on my mind quite a bit lately.  As a person that wants to document another person’s wedding day, it’s important to me that the bride and groom know just how important and special their day is. 

The time leading up to the ceremony and reception is filled with chaos.  Even the most organized bride probably feels overwhelmed.  Scott and I planned our wedding to take place in a different state, which comes with its own set of challenges.  I remember feeling stressed about the vendors we needed to pick.  The ceremony site was easy.  We were getting married in my hometown church.  Picking a reception site and caterer and florist and photographer and DJ and all the other vendors was what stressed me out.  It was as if the list never ends.  Ironically, I loved it.  Yes it was stressful, but ultimately I loved planning this huge party for our family and friends to share in with us.  We were at the center of that party, but we really wanted our friends and family to have the best time ever.

I knew a photographer and had him all picked out, but he was going to be out of the country that week.  So, what next?  I didn’t know any other wedding photographers personally.  The original photographer gave me contact information for a photographer that he recommended and we ended up using him for our wedding. 

Even though I didn’t know at the time that I would eventually be working to become a wedding photographer, I learned a lot from our wedding photographer.  Most of which was good.  He really worked hard to put me at ease.  He didn’t treat the day like he was just there to take photos; he treated it like he was not only the photographer, but also the person that was there to make our day happy and memorable. 

It’s important to me that the bride and groom feel no worries on their wedding day.  There are so many other days in life that will be full of worries.  Planning a wedding is both fun and exhausting.  I want the couple to feel rewarded for all of that effort. 

Monday Musings – Called Out by My Own Heart

She’s arrived!  My momma is visiting from Washington and I haven’t seen her in 9 months.  You have no idea how good it is to spend some time with my mom.  She’s my best friend, my confidant and the best momma in the world J 

Since she’s here, I’ve been thinking a lot about why I even got into photography in the first place.  So much of it was for her.  I didn’t want her to miss anything about her grandson’s life.  It was important for me to capture his expressions and everything about him, not only for me and Scott, but for her.  Her other two grandchildren are within 10 minutes of her house and we are a 5-8 hour flight away (depending on layovers). 

Lately, I’ve been worried so much about the end result and forgetting to enjoy the process along the way.  Having her here has reminded me why I dream of owning my own successful photography business.  It reminds me that I need to just enjoy my passion and learn as much as I can along the way, because if I only focus on my worries about getting a photography business off the ground, I won’t be able to enjoy and grow as a photographer in the process.  There’s some sort of saying that says something like, “if you worry about the future, you’ll miss the joy of life along the way”.

Having her here is such a gift that I treasure and I can’t wait to photograph our time together!!!

Monday Musings – Circumstances Shape Me

I love watching Nate Berkus.  Interior design and decorating have always been an interest of mine and his show always has great tips and ideas; so, I DVR his show everyday.  Having an almost 4 year old makes it almost impossible for me to actually watch the show, which means that last week I finally got to watch the March 1^st episode and boy oh boy did it speak to my heart.  This particular episode had a segment with Cheryl Burke of “Dancing with the Stars”.  She spoke about her new book, “Dancing Lessons” and I can really relate to her story.

My story is something I share openly with people, but it’s scary to write about it here.  Here, the world can see it.  Here, my family can see it, my friends can see it, people I’ve known my entire life that may not know the full story can see it.  It’s one thing to talk to a group of people about my story, but it’s completely different to pour my heart out here. 

Cheryl spoke about her childhood; that she was molested by a family friend and had to testify against him at the age of 6.  I relate to her story because I was molested by a family member for years.  I wish I could even begin to explain the emotional rollercoaster my childhood was, but I can’t.  There are no words.  I’ve talked on here about how awkward I am when meeting people.  I’ve talked about how I don’t do surface level well.  My childhood is the reason for that.  I internalized everything and became such an introvert. 

I consider myself very lucky though.  I have unbelievably supportive parents.  My mom has always been my best friend and I know I can share anything with her.  I found God in my sorrow and He gave me peace in my heart.  Had I not found God, I would not have found my husband.  That’s another story though ;)  My past shapes me as a person and makes me who I am and even though I can still struggle with confidence sometimes, I have hope.  I’ve said I’m resilient, and I mean that wholeheartedly.  I am resilient because if I can get through such trauma as a child, I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.  Everybody can achieve their dreams, with or without trauma in their life.  That’s the message Cheryl was trying to convey, and I am in total agreement with her.  My dear friend Chrissy (probably the only person reading this blog) shared a quote with me that I think is very appropriate.

“I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.” – Maya Angelou

It’s the Final Countdown

I'm still learning about how to run a blog and apparently messed up last week.  My Godparent's post should have been made last week, not this week, and I'm already behind for this week's posts.  So, I might as well make 2 posts today.  I've decided to make Monday a day of musing on my thoughts in where I'm at.  That being said, this post should have been made yesterday, but alas, I am sick.  Nothing like having no voice for 4 days :)  Let's just say it's been an insteresting couple of weeks with sickness running through our house!

I can’t begin to tell you how many times I look at another photographer’s work and think, “Oh my, I can’t do this.  My photographs are not nearly as good as these”. It’s times like these when I don’t feel like I am good enough to do this – to have my own photography business.  I’m learning though, that even professionals have these feelings.  Me Ra Koh shared on a conference call with us that she feels this way all the time.  In all honesty, I think we are our own worst critics.  Every time I post new photos, I think that people are going to hate them because I don’t love them.  Maybe that’s just my fear talking because it never fails that when I don’t like a photo, somebody will tell me that they love it. 

To me, this means that I have to challenge myself.  That when I feel like my work isn’t good enough I have to just take more pictures; capture more moments, because nothing will make my photographs better than working to take even better photographs.  Admittedly, Ohio winters are so dreary, that taking out my camera is difficult for me to want to do.  Photographing indoors is not my favorite, but it’s just a challenge waiting for me to conquer and perfect.  If I plan on being a wedding photographer, I better get used to shooting indoors and in low light.  Evening receptions are prone to bad lighting. 

Do I feel my work is good enough?  Nope, but I’m determined to make it better than good.  I’m determined to make it great.  I kinda feel like Rocky right now!

Monday Musings - Where I Want to Take My Business

What kind of photography business do I want?  That’s a big question I’ve been asking myself since I decided to do this.  It’s hard to decide what I want to focus on, when I love taking all kinds of pictures.  I think I’ve been able to find a vision though.  I love new beginnings.  To me, new beginnings are moments that forever change the course of your life. 

Marriage forever changes the course of your life.  You’re not single anymore and only having to worry about yourself.  You’ve given your life to another person, and they have done the same with you.  I love weddings.  I love seeing a couple share their love for each other in front of everybody that they love and commit themselves to each other.  Getting married is a new beginning, a new chapter of life, a time to say, “I love you in a way that I’ve never loved anybody and want you to be my other half for the rest of our lives”.  It never fails to amaze me the witness of love that a couple gives to all those attending their wedding.

If marriage forever changes the course of your life, becoming a parent does even more.  I’ve always loved children, but becoming a mother just intensified that love.  Pregnancy is such a beautiful gift.  Oh, it has its down moments of sickness and exhaustion, but the miracle of it all is just amazing.  Whenever Scott thought I was being too grouchy, I would say to him, “Hello!  I’m growing a person.  Let’s see you do it!”  Sure, it was in a joking manner, but when you really think about it, how amazing is that?  A little person is forming to be a unique individual.  And oh, when that baby enters the world it’s a beautiful thing.  So innocent and tiny and puts every father to their knees.  Watching them grow and seeing their expressions as they try to figure out this world.  A child’s “holds nothing back” smile is something to behold. 

These are the moments I want to capture.  A bride getting ready to give herself to the love of her life, a groom seeing his bride for the first time, a couple bringing new life into this world, a baby bundled up in its parents arms so tiny and precious, and all the moments in-between.